Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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