She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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