dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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