wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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