The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
