One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My vagina is officially offended.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
