you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
