Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
