btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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