apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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