You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
