I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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