Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
