4 words: hood of his car
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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