I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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