They should really pass out barf bags in church
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
