I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm at about main and main street
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
