I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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