And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
