Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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