I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
