Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
