So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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