so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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