The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
