"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
