Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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