I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
