who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
