sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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