Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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