JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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