I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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