There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
only you would photoshop your dick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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