Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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