I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
