Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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