So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize