I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
