whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
