Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
