there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
