well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
