he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just googled if crying burns calories
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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