I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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