I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?