Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this will be a night to untag.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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