I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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