i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
