I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
