Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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