I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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