I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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