This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
