Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
