Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
