Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
