We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
