you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
