Tell her she can't have a vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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