he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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