you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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