he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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