i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
